I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
