shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
