before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize