I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
