its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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