Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
