Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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