It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
