Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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