New low: just hacked my moms facebook
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I want to fling myself into the sun
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
