Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
