I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
