are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i now understand why vodka
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
