he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
