I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
