That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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