Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
