Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Someone shattered a urinal.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
