standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
