i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I want to be your penis for a week.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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