I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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