next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
