i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
