It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
