Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
