Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
