I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
