I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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