i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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