I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
