I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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