Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize