i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
