At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
