First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
