Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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