my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
