I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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