Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
