i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
