This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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