so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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