I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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