dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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