dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
