CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
