I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
