Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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