I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We're too hungover to prance.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize