We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
