I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
