call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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