we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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