I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
