I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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