Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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