Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
