Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
