i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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