flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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