If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize