Just fell off a train. Bad.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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