You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
