is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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