eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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