you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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