we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
