no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
