I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
