oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
